Self-actualizing people have deeper and more profound interpersonal relations than any other adults (although not necessarily deeper than those of children). They are capable of more fusion, greater love, more perfect identification, more obliteration of the ego boundaries than other people would consider possible. There are, however, certain special characteristics of these relationships. In the first place, it is my observation that the opposite members in these relationships are ordinarily (about 2/3 of the cases) also self-actualizing persons. There is high selectiveness here considering the small proportion of such people in the general population.

One consequence of this phenomenon and of certain others as well is that self-actualizing people have these especially deep ties with rather few individuals. Their circle of friends is rather small. The ones whom they love profoundly are few in number. Partly this is for the reason that being very close to someone in this self-actualizing style seems, to require a good deal of time. Devotion is not a matter of a moment. One subject expressed it so: "I haven't got time for many friends. Nobody has, that is, if they are to be real friends." The only possible exception in my group was one woman who seemed to be especially equipped socially. It was almost as if her appointed task in life was to have close and warm and beautiful relations with all the members of her family and their families as well as all her friends and theirs. Perhaps this was because she was an uneducated woman who had no formal "task" or "career." This exclusiveness of devotion can and does exist side by side with a widespreading Gemeinschaftsgefuhl, benevolence, affection, and friendliness (as qualified above); these people tend to be kind or at least patient to almost everyone. They have an especially tender love for children and are easily touched by them. In a very real even though special sense, they love or rather have compassion for all mankind.

This "love" does not imply lack of discrimination. The fact is that they can speak realistically and harshly of those who deserve it, and especially of the hypocritical, the pretentious, the pompous, the self inflated. But the face-to-face relationships, even with these people, do not show signs of realistically low evaluations. One explanatory statement was about as follows: "Most people after all do not amount to much, but they could have. They make all sorts of foolish mistakes and wind up being miserable and not knowing how they got that way when their intentions were good. Those who are not nice are usually paying for it in deep unhappiness. They should be pitied rather than attacked."

Perhaps the briefest possible description is to say that their hostile reactions to others are (a) deserved, and (b) for the good of the person attacked or for someone else's good. This is to say, with Fromm, that their hostility is not character-based but is reactive or situational. 9

All the subjects for whom I have data show in common another characteristic which is appropriate to mention here, namely, that they attract at least some admirers, "friends," or even disciples or worshipers. The relation between the individual and his train of admirers is apt to be rather one-sided. The admirers are apt to demand more than our individual is willing to give. And, furthermore, these devotions are apt to be rather embarrassing, distressing, and even distasteful to the self actualizing person, since they often go beyond ordinary bounds. The usual picture is of our subject being kind and pleasant when forced into these relationships but ordinarily trying to avoid them as gracefully as possible.